i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
