she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
