I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Enjoy the penises
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
