I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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