i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
