In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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