Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and she was petting her beer can
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
