Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
