I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
