Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
