Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
