Im at strip club and am horny
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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