I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
