Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
