You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
FUCK WHALES
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