People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
