I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
