Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize