I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
