he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
