I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
