I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
