butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
