people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
