i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
