so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize