Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
