why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize