I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
