i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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