so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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