Dual....:-)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
