If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
