i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the raccoons are back...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize