dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
