when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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