Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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