Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize