Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
