I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
