I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
