yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
