my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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