Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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