just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
