Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
