fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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