I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize