I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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