the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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