we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
