I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize