Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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