He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
