can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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