mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
