I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
