went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
