Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Randomize