I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
