dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
