NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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