Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
