come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
