I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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