And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Watching her eat just hurts me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
