I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
