and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
