He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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