He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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