I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
