it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
so much tequila, so little girl.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
