That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
