did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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