Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
