All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
