You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
